Big question

If you could meet yourself from 5 years ago, what would you tell them?

Err, let's see. 5 years ago I would have been 22.

Probably finishing my degree. Working at Freedom Furniture. Going to PJ O'briens 2-4-1 ladies vodka nights, and working towards getting my driver's license. Or just got it. Stressing about somehow putting my degree to use, having just finished it.

Here's how the conversation would go.

Me Now: 'Sup Rani?

Me Then: Who are you?

MN: I'm you. At 27, almost 28.

M Then: But you're fat.

MN: Shut up.

M Then: Sorry, but it's true. (mutters under her breath) Don't shoot the messenger Fatty.

MN: Listen carefully.

M Then: Yeah, love to stay and chat "Rani at 27, almost 28" but I don't really have time. I'm running late for work. My bus will be here soon. Besides, you're not really me. You look way too corporate.

MN: Surprise, surprise, you're running late for work. Listen, I AM YOU. I had to get corporate, to some extent. It's how the real world works. We can't hang out at the Austral and Unibar in our jeans and thongs everyday. You ain't gonna be stocking shower curtains and toilet brushes at Freedom for the rest of your life.

MT: Is that a promise? 'Cos I'm sort of over this minimum wage job at this poor excuse for a designer homewares store.

MN: Enjoy it while you can kid. Full time working life blows. Save as much money as you can, and run amuck now. Go out ever Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night if possible, but save money if you can. And stop going to the Havelock. You know you hate it, just don't go.

MT: What, save?! How is that possible on twenty bucks an hour...?

MN: Jesus kid, just shut up for a sec willya? You know that girl that you're best friends with? Ditch her. Take up a hobby. And save your money and put it towards something worthwhile. And I don't mean that dress that caught your eye on Rundle street.

MT: Like what? A house deposit? Or stocks?

MN: No, not stocks. Just save it for a rainy day,but don't put it in stocks. Or if you do, put it in a little company called ABC childcare, then pull it out again in 2006-ish.

MT: Who? ABC Childcare? Who ARE you?!

MN: And another thing... that guy you're dating. Make sure you cook him dinner once in a while, and when you start working full time, make sure you arrive at work early so you can leave on time, so you can spend some time with him, instead of dicking around at the office for some client that will rip your self esteem to shreds no matter how late you stay back.

MT: Cook?? I have to learn how to cook?!

MN: Up bap bap bap... shush. He's phenomenal. Just make sure he knows it. And don't skimp on seeing a beautician when you move to Queensland. Waxing your own eyebrows is not worth it.

MT: Seriously, lady, keep walking. I won't ever live in Queensland. I've never even been to the Gold Coast. Here's a tip FOR YOU - check yourself into rehab.

MN: Yeah, that might come later, after you move to Amsterdam.

MT: Amsterdam... isn't that in Germany? I don't even speak German. Why would I go there? And if you really are me, and you're acting all corporate, why aren't you at some funky ass party, schmoozing at a hip bar with a champagne in your hand, charming the pants of some client to win the next account? You're 28, you should be hot, and working every social function in town.

MN: (mutters under her breath) Was I really this delusional back then? (deep breath) Yeah, ok... I'm going to let you in on a secret. The Marketing and Advertising world is going to eat you up and spit you out, but it's ok, you'll be alright. It's not glamourous, it's all a facade. And even if it looks glamourous from the outside, 92% of people in the industry are not people you are going to get along with. You might get along with 6% of them. 2% you might actually become friends with. For the most part, they're all heartless vampires. For real. But here's a tip - don't let anyone push you around. Walk with your head high, be humble, no matter how they treat you. Don't settle for anything less than authenticity in people.

MT: Really? Hmmm. Maybe I should rethink my career.

MN: YES! YES! Do that! Or at least keep writing and putting your stuff out there. And learn how to make dumplings. And learn how to sew. And call your mum and dad every week. No matter how painful it is to talk to them. And don't be scared of doing anything. Just do what you think is right. You're going to be ok.

MT: Well, I sort of do like dumplings. Especially jiao zi. Am I going to travel like I always wanted to? Because I really want to. Like, I really really really want to.

MN: For real kiddo. It's going to be epic. You don't even know how good it's going to be. But it'll be lonely at times. When you go on the road less travelled, being a trail blazer isn't always a party. But don't worry, the universe is going to show you beauty and magic of the likes of which you've never seen.

MT: Sweet.... (looks me up and down) What are you, a size 11 now? Too many dumplings?

MN: Whatever. Go stock some more shelves with toilet brushes.