Christmas Day in Barcelona:
Parc Guell, Santa Maria del Mar Cathedral, Christmas lunch and escaping the oldies for a drink turned into one of cousins getting robbed without us even realising it.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Only look back if the view is good.
I've always been a bit of a hoarder. But I've always had a thing for paper.
My bedroom is full of paper; stacks of loose leaf sheets, torn out news articles, old editions of travel magazines, stickers, scraps of papers with rushed notes, bills that have phone numbers and coarsely scribbled reminders on the back of them, instruction booklets, notebooks with half finished stories, old christmas cards from overseas, postcards from loved ones that are on their own jounry. My bedroom is overflowing with paper.
"Hey girl, here I am in China..."
"Chiropractor, 1700, Monday 31st"
"Beste Mevrouw, deze brief is..."
"Banana, best wishes for a merry Christmas..."
"Today is Yours!"
"Lottery Ticket for Saturday, Pick up shoes from shoe guy, Green beans and pizza (no anchovies) !!"
"Hot places to stay in 2010 for a sizzling summer on a budget."
Most of the time, I wake up and I look around, and I'm overwhelmed with what to do with it all. I bend over to pick one piece up and then immediately, the long winded process of going through each and every sheet starts to bewilder me, as I see sentimental value in every word, every marking, every ink stain, every tear and fold in the paper.
And admittedly, I give up. Because the memories on the paper mark moments of people, time, places - all reminiscent of my journey. And I don't want to let go. And reliving the journey takes so much time. I can take a whole day to clean my 11 metre square bedroom because I pick up a sheet of paper and one sentence can make me think about a whole series of things.
Sometimes I am scared that if I throw away the paper, the memory will also be disposed of. Taking a trip down memory lane is fun. So much fun. I could wile away hours, just rereading letters and notes, and just daydream. But maybe I do it too often. I mean, isn't the old rule "if you haven't looked at it in six months, or worn it in six months, time to ditch it?"
Sometimes, taking the trip down memory lane is not so much fun. Sometimes it's painful, and if you aren't in the right frame of mind (ie. feeling weak and fragile), stumbling across a set of initials, or a sentiment in a lovingly written card can make the day hard.
But out with the old and in with the new. The apartment is looking like a bomb hit it ( flatmate is outta town) and I have been meaning to clean up but instead, I just make more mess. (It's seriously disgusting. I am getting to the point where I can't move without seeing filth, but secretly enjoy basking in the fleeting moments of solitude.)
I'm leaving work early today to go and clean, because I read Paolo Coelho's blog today and he is right. Make room, make space, let the physical manifest itself in the invisible, and start the new year on the right foot.
The year was pretty heavy. It was a big year. And 2011 is going to be no different. In fact, it's only going to get bigger. Really. Believe me. Tis the year to be about devotion, discipline, and action. This year is mine.
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister. Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
My bedroom is full of paper; stacks of loose leaf sheets, torn out news articles, old editions of travel magazines, stickers, scraps of papers with rushed notes, bills that have phone numbers and coarsely scribbled reminders on the back of them, instruction booklets, notebooks with half finished stories, old christmas cards from overseas, postcards from loved ones that are on their own jounry. My bedroom is overflowing with paper.
"Hey girl, here I am in China..."
"Chiropractor, 1700, Monday 31st"
"Beste Mevrouw, deze brief is..."
"Banana, best wishes for a merry Christmas..."
"Today is Yours!"
"Lottery Ticket for Saturday, Pick up shoes from shoe guy, Green beans and pizza (no anchovies) !!"
"Hot places to stay in 2010 for a sizzling summer on a budget."
Most of the time, I wake up and I look around, and I'm overwhelmed with what to do with it all. I bend over to pick one piece up and then immediately, the long winded process of going through each and every sheet starts to bewilder me, as I see sentimental value in every word, every marking, every ink stain, every tear and fold in the paper.
And admittedly, I give up. Because the memories on the paper mark moments of people, time, places - all reminiscent of my journey. And I don't want to let go. And reliving the journey takes so much time. I can take a whole day to clean my 11 metre square bedroom because I pick up a sheet of paper and one sentence can make me think about a whole series of things.
Sometimes I am scared that if I throw away the paper, the memory will also be disposed of. Taking a trip down memory lane is fun. So much fun. I could wile away hours, just rereading letters and notes, and just daydream. But maybe I do it too often. I mean, isn't the old rule "if you haven't looked at it in six months, or worn it in six months, time to ditch it?"
Sometimes, taking the trip down memory lane is not so much fun. Sometimes it's painful, and if you aren't in the right frame of mind (ie. feeling weak and fragile), stumbling across a set of initials, or a sentiment in a lovingly written card can make the day hard.
But out with the old and in with the new. The apartment is looking like a bomb hit it ( flatmate is outta town) and I have been meaning to clean up but instead, I just make more mess. (It's seriously disgusting. I am getting to the point where I can't move without seeing filth, but secretly enjoy basking in the fleeting moments of solitude.)
I'm leaving work early today to go and clean, because I read Paolo Coelho's blog today and he is right. Make room, make space, let the physical manifest itself in the invisible, and start the new year on the right foot.
The year was pretty heavy. It was a big year. And 2011 is going to be no different. In fact, it's only going to get bigger. Really. Believe me. Tis the year to be about devotion, discipline, and action. This year is mine.
May you always have time for your passions
May good fortune follow you, whether obvious or hidden
May you be surrounded by like minded souls
and kind hearts,
And just simply, love.
May wisdom come to you when you need it the most
May the journey always surprise you
Happy New Year xxx
2010: Closing Cycles by Paolo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister. Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The highs are high, the lows are low
It happened.
The holiday.
The amazing and random.
The discoveries.
The cosiness of being with familiar and loving people.
The thing that was a pleasant surprise that you couldn't have orchestrated even if you tried.
The moment you've been hoping would happen for months also eventuates.
After all the anticipation, it came and it went.
Then, the visitors leave. The alarm clock is back on. The familiar frustrations come flooding back. The uncertainty of 'what does it all mean?' wafts back onto your radar.
Now what?
The holiday.
The amazing and random.
The discoveries.
The cosiness of being with familiar and loving people.
The thing that was a pleasant surprise that you couldn't have orchestrated even if you tried.
The moment you've been hoping would happen for months also eventuates.
After all the anticipation, it came and it went.
Then, the visitors leave. The alarm clock is back on. The familiar frustrations come flooding back. The uncertainty of 'what does it all mean?' wafts back onto your radar.
Now what?
Friday, December 17, 2010
My ideal man
spotted outside Razzamatazz cafe, Hugo de Grootplein
Standing outside a restaurant in the cold, waiting for me with a smile on his face.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Pop!
I used to like Robyn when I was a mere teen with a Nokia 5510.
She used to have this great song I loved prancing around to called "Show me Love"... aaah....
Recently re-taking over Europe, her magnetic voice, killer peroxide locks and synthed up beats have been making a big storm over here. I got the chance to see her when a friend had a spare ticket, and declined the ticket,not realising who she was. Wish I had gone now!
I am loving her right now.
Her cover of Alicia Keys is phenomenal, and the last video is her "adult" version of my teen groove song from the 1990s.
Call Your Girlfriend by robyn
Indestructible by robyn
She used to have this great song I loved prancing around to called "Show me Love"... aaah....
Recently re-taking over Europe, her magnetic voice, killer peroxide locks and synthed up beats have been making a big storm over here. I got the chance to see her when a friend had a spare ticket, and declined the ticket,not realising who she was. Wish I had gone now!
I am loving her right now.
Her cover of Alicia Keys is phenomenal, and the last video is her "adult" version of my teen groove song from the 1990s.
Call Your Girlfriend by robyn
Indestructible by robyn
Au revoir, Auf Wiedersehen... and so forth.
I've decided that leaving a party with my dignity is better than staying for the sake of your request.
(translate: this blows and I'm okay with exiting, no matter how impolite it looks. Because I like my spare time better than I like mingling with people I'm not interested in.)
Have fun. Thanks for having me.
PS I'm taking a beer for the road, and my coat... and scarf..... And maybe, wait, probably, the mixer I am holding that I haven't quite finished yet.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Retrospective #6: Home, Work, and Play
Christmas Markets, Berlin : sweets that say sweet things
I went on a Gluhwein frenzy in Berlin.
Another Christmas Market in an old brewery, Berlin.
WTF? Raw meat on bread that Tom told me to eat for breakfast.
Tom taught me how to play Backgammon again.
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